"This band will be on the cover of The Guardian, NME and Spin in 2013 ..."
- Everett True, editor for Collapse Board, writer for Melody Maker

"The Bastards Of Fate have created a kind of New Wave Noir. They trade in Kafka-esque showtunes, the sound of icy overnight evenings in a nearly empty motel. Even in the daylight, even when armed with a harmonica, they have a genuine weirdness about them that cannot be faked."
- Scott Creney, author of 'Dear Al-Qaeda: Letters to the World's Most Notorious Terror Organization'

"The Bastards Of Fate stand at a weird intersection of high intellect and idiocy. I have seen very few rock shows in my life that are so thought provoking and so much fun."
- MC Frontalot, nerdcore rapper

"Spastic, schizophrenic insanity that, at times, resembles indie rock."
- Danny Fasold in Wonkavision Magazine

"... imaginatively written and musically unique, defying rules I didn't even know existed. Standing on an amp, holding up a guitar, blinded by shaving cream, construction light draped over his shoulder, and mic in hand, Doug Cheatwood is no gimmick hungry rocker. He is what punk rock was never smart enough to be, crazier and more ambitious, full of antics that wake sleepy fear-ridden audiences into a frenzy of dance and jubilation. Did I mention that the music's catchy, well-written, and like nothing you've heard?"
- The Elf Wax Times

"... captures that particular brand of 'Ramen noodle loneliness' so prevalent in one's 20's."
- Darcey Steinke, author of 'Jesus Saves', frequent Spin contributor, on The New York Times website

"When he sings, his voice deepens. It fills the corners of the room. He screeches. He croons. The sound is rich, raw, confident."
- Mike Hudson, journalist and contributor to The Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, and New York Times

"... this is the best live band in Roanoke. If you get this band -- and you have to sit with it to get it -- you'll know what I mean. You like Beck? Devo? Oingo Boingo? Go hear this band ..."
- Tad Dickens, music editor for The Roanoke Times

"... an amazing live rock band -- performance art freakout, punk howl, dance party, and chaotic fertility rite all rolled into one... I couldn't have fully envisioned the scope and open-throttle force of the live show."
- Sam McDonald in Toggle Switch music blog

"Much like I would imagine a 70's Devo show would have been, seeing Doug Cheatwood and the Bastards of Fate perform live is something that I was not prepared for, but I found myself loving every moment of the aural (and visual) assault! This is truly a unique band that should have a dedicated cult following, if it doesn't already! Words cannot describe them, all I can do is say 'see them, let it sink in, then see them again and again and again...' "
- Cult Leader Lettuce, The Dead Milkmen's Bootleg Champion

"Doug Cheatwood and The Bastards of Fate are obscenely talented. A definite must-see performance. I have attended Doug's shows since late 2003, and I still don't know what to expect."
- Jamie Booker, owner of Bazaar Consignments in Roanoke

"... The Bastards of Fate are like no other band I have heard, or seen live. Truly a unique experience."
- Johnny Puke, iconic Charleston, SC punk promoter

"I've seen hundreds of shows. I dropped out of college once to see The Ramones. I travelled across the country and saw Guided By Voices 19 times. I hold The Bastards of Fate in the upper echelon of bands I've seen. They're that good."
- Deral Fenderson, elder statesman at WUVT 90.7 FM in Blacksburg, VA

"Cheatwood's songs elevate picture-perfect snapshots of perfectly trivial things - space heaters, life at the office, paleontology - to soulful dance-party epics."
- Patrick Wall, music editor for The Columbia Free Times in Columbia, SC

"Doug Cheatwood records the guilt and confusion of ten million frustrated protestants without apology or constraint."
- Creg Lovett, contributor to Space City Rock and Public News in Houston, TX

"Cheatwood and his Bastards will take you completely by surprise. Their particular brand of freak rock, equal parts acid trip blitzkrieg and soulful psychedelia, is not to be missed!"
- Josh Smith, host of The Columbia Beet on WUSC 90.5 FM in Columbia, SC

"The Bastards of Fate come from beyond the veil - a mixture of fantasy and cacophony distilled into eminently memorable songs."
- Dave Brenneman, engineer for Real Recording Studio in NYC

"The Bastards' music is as versatile as it is charming. There's a kind of energy in their songwriting that leads to a unique sound you want to tell all your friends about but can't find the words to describe. "
- Drew Tetz, International Yo-yo Champion

"The Bastards of Fate infuse theatrics with their live musical performances, making it difficult for the audience to be less than enthusiastic about their shows! It's a strange mix of genres that can only be described as catchy-as-hell melodramatic pop; so over the top in drama, it'll make you laugh, smile and sing along."
- Rana Fayez, Collegiate Times staff writer, WUVT 90.7 Special Events Coordinator

"The band's experimental brand of pop-rock walks the line between rock 'n roll and performance art, occasionally slipping off said line onto either side-and sometimes managing to do both simultaneously. They really are one of the most exciting live shows in town..."
- Billy Wallace in City Magazine in Roanoke, VA

"One of the most bizarre things I've ever seen. Cheatwood was rolling around on the ground, pies were thrown at the audience, and there were crazy lights and fog. I can't quite tell if they're geniuses or just insane."
- Casey Bridgers in Pop-Punk Junkie music blog

"A myriad of musical genres, the common thread perhaps being gusto and big doses of sincerity, merge into a usually cohesive aural pleasure. The lyrics lift this band up high, splattering their songs with subject matter usually reserved for the much older songwriter."
- River J. Laker, Emerging Artists Series curator for Roanoke Public Libraries

Digging Up Dinosaurs
From the album "Who's A Fuzzy Buddy?"
Words by Doug Cheatwood. Music by The Bastards of Fate.
Published by Keekers Party Time! Music (ASCAP)
and Copyright 2011 The Bastards of Fate.

I been digging in the heart of darkness / I been digging in the fate of the world / Little girl curled up in a minecart / I been looking for the mother-of-pearl / Down the chutes where the Chinamen dwell / Sending letters up a suction hose / Dig a tunnel all the way to Copa de Oro / Dig a tunnel through the dinosaur bones / Oh ah oh / Oh ah oh / Oh ah oh / Digging up dinosaurs / And putting them together / Oh ah oh / Oh ah oh / Oh ah oh / I'm digging up the dinosaurs / And putting them together again / I been digging in the heart of darkness / I been digging in the fate of the world / There's dry bones in the Valley of the Shadow / I been looking for the mother-of-pearl / So send a letter up a service elevator / Write your name in the chalk / Stick a shovel in the rubble of the ages / Digging up the dinosaurs and making them walk / Oh ah oh / Oh ah oh / Oh ah oh / Digging up dinosaurs / And putting them together / Oh ah oh / Oh ah oh / Oh ah oh / I'm digging up the dinosaurs / And putting them together again / Clankety clankety clankety clank / Ankylosaurus was built like a tank / If I had a reason I'd sleep in your bed / And if I had a reason I'd hold your head / But I'm waiting on a reason / I'm waiting for the weather / I'm digging up the dinosaurs / And putting them together / I'm digging up the dinosaurs / And putting them together / I'm digging up the dinosaurs / And putting them together again / I'm putting them together / I'm putting them together / I'm putting them together / I'm putting them together / I'm putting them together / I'm putting them together / I'm digging up the dinosaurs / And putting them together again

Oedipus Rex
From the album "Who's A Fuzzy Buddy?"
Words by Doug Cheatwood. Music by The Bastards of Fate.
Published by Keekers Party Time! Music (ASCAP)
and Copyright 2011 The Bastards of Fate.

Ooh ya got me goin' / Ya got me in the zone and / Who's dreamin' of a night on Friday? / Oedipus Rex Oedipus Rex / Who's dreamin' of a night on Friday? / Ooh ya got me thinkin' / I'm fakin' out a sphinx and / Who's ridin' on a steed on Tuesday? / Oedipus Rex Oedipus Rex / Who's ridin' on a steed on Tuesday? / Ooh ah ooh / Ooh ah ooh / Ooh ah ooh / Ooh ah ooh / Ya got me swingin' / Hangin' by my feet ma'am / From a tree limb / Give me things to eat and / Who tampered with the phone on Sunday? / Was it Oedipus Rex? / Etiquette sex / Hey man! Ya got me steamin' / I'm castin' out a demon / Who tampered with the phone on Sunday? / Who's comin' down the road to Thebes? Hey / Add up the stress, add up the stress / Ooh ah ooh / Ooh ah ooh / Ooh ah ooh / Ooh yeah yeah yeah! Woh! / Ooh ah ooh / Ooh ah ooh / Ooh ah ooh

The Sweet Touch
From the album "Who's A Fuzzy Buddy?"
Words by Doug Cheatwood. Music by The Bastards of Fate.
Published by Keekers Party Time! Music (ASCAP)
and Copyright 2011 The Bastards of Fate.

The sweet touch / I made my wish / Your favorite dish / At my fingertips / It's so thick / It pours on slow / Like chocolate sauce / On an ice cream cone / The sweetest little lie ever told / Love is more than a moment can hold / (Hold onto my hand) / For as long as you need it, yeah / The sweet touch / It hurts too much / Your head will ache / Your hands will clutch / But so what? / Your cavity's filled / Shooting a drill / At the tip of my tongue / It's the sweetest little lie ever told / And it's more than a moment can hold / (Hold onto my hand) / For as long as you need it / I'll never get to bed tonight / (For as long as you need it) / Because I wound myself so tight / (For as long as you need it) / I'll only toss and turn instead / (For as long as you need it) / Do I believe the words I said? / Is it more than a feeling? No, it's not / The sweetest little lie ever told / The sweetest little lie ever told / I'll never leave you out in the cold / Just like I'll never get old

Harlequin Fetus
From the album "Who's A Fuzzy Buddy?"
Words by Doug Cheatwood. Music by The Bastards of Fate.
Published by Keekers Party Time! Music (ASCAP)
and Copyright 2011 The Bastards of Fate.

God created the harlequin fetus / She came out she spoke her message / Only a moment before she perished / Here's what she told us it's just ridiculous / Oh my God oh my God / Oh my God oh my God / Why did you do this? / Why did you do this? / Oh my God oh my God / Oh my God oh my God / The harlequin fetus / The harlequin fetus / So I wrote my thesis on the harlequin fetus / Why did Lord Jesus ... have to treat us / With a harlequin fetus it's very mysterious / I flip through the pages to illuminate us / oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh / oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh / Oh my God oh my God / Oh my God oh my God / Why did you do this? / Why did you do this? / Oh my God oh my God / Oh my God oh my God / The harlequin fetus / The harlequin fetus / You have the oddest / Sense of humor / You have the oddest / Sense of humor / That's a good one / The harlequin fetus / That's a good one / The harlequin fetus / That's a good one / The harlequin fetus / That's a good one / The harlequin fetus

Impossible Feelings
From the album "Who's A Fuzzy Buddy?"
Words by Doug Cheatwood. Music by The Bastards of Fate.
Published by Keekers Party Time! Music (ASCAP)
and Copyright 2011 The Bastards of Fate.

Li-di-dee-di-dee-dee / Li-di-dee-di-dee-dee / Impossible possible / Possible possible feelings / It's horrible horrible / Horrible horrible and it's killing me / I only want to please you / But I end up being mean / And I squeeze and I squeeze / And I squeeze and I squeeze / And my heart comes out / Of my vagina / Don't let me go / Don't let me know / These feelings are impossible / Woh oh oh / Oh oh oh / Oh oh oh / Oh oh oh / Impossible possible / Possible possible feelings / It's horrible horrible / Horrible horrible and it's crushing me / My hands are shakin' baby / As my insides turn to gravy / And I tease and I tease / And I tease and I tease / And all the ameobas / (Swimmin' in a tiny droplet) / All the ameobas / (Swimmin' in a tiny droplet) / All the ameobas / (Swimmin' in a tiny droplet) / Running down your cheek / I never meant to squirt you / La dee dah dee dah dee dah dah dah / Don't let me go / Don't let me know / These feelings are impossible / Woh oh oh / Oh oh oh / Oh oh oh / Oh oh oh

Huge Magic
From the album "Who's A Fuzzy Buddy?"
Words by Doug Cheatwood. Music by The Bastards of Fate.
Published by Keekers Party Time! Music (ASCAP)
and Copyright 2011 The Bastards of Fate.

I heard about your multiple sclerosis / And how you trust those people like a kid / Now you say you're a Jehovah's Witness / I know what can ease your mind instead / There's power in your words / When you sing them / There's power in your words / When it's the truth / Huge magic in my heart / When my airplane falls apart / I can stick it back again / I heard about how it was dark as hell / (Say howdy do) / Snow a'blowin' crazy in your dream / (Say howdy do) / You ask me how I manage to survive / (Like super glue) / My video is 19.95 / (So how 'bout you?) / There's power in your words / When you sing them / There's power in your words / When it's the truth / Huge magic stops the hurt / When my ice cream hits the dirt / I can wipe my nose / On someone else's shirt / My magic is huger than your boyfriend / My magic is huger than your boyfriend / My magic is huger than your boyfriend / My magic is huger than your daddy / Nah nah nah nah nah nah / Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah

Spaceheater
From the album "Who's A Fuzzy Buddy?"
Words by Doug Cheatwood. Music by The Bastards of Fate.
Published by Keekers Party Time! Music (ASCAP)
and Copyright 2011 The Bastards of Fate.

Spaceheater / Move a little closer to me / You know how to make me blush / Spaceheater / Move a little nearer to me / You know how to make me blush / And it feels like a toaster oven in here / Feels like a toaster oven in here / Feels like a toaster oven in here / It feels like a baker's dozen in here / Feels like a baker's dozen in here / Feels like a baker's dozen in here / Parking meter / Put a little money in me, yeah / Spaceheater / You're an undercover agent / You know all my secrets now / It feels like a toaster oven in here / Feels like a toaster oven in here / Feels like a toaster oven in here / It feels like a baker's dozen in here / Feels like a baker's dozen in here / Feels like a baker's dozen in here / And we aren't exactly morning people / Exactly morning / Exactly morning people are we? / And we aren't exactly morning people / Exactly morning / Exactly morning people are we? / Spaceheater / Move a little nearer to me / You know where to plug me in / You know where to plug me in / You know where to plug me in

Police 9000
From the album"Who's A Fuzzy Buddy?"
Words by Doug Cheatwood. Music by The Bastards of Fate.
Published by Keekers Party Time! Music (ASCAP)
and Copyright 2011 The Bastards of Fate.

Run away from here Renee / While I'm chasing my own shadow / Run away from here today / They'll blame it on the rock 'n' roll / You've got Jesus on your side / And I'd hate to see you shoveling coal / Run away from here and hide / They'll blame it on the rock 'n' roll / My own shadow / My own shadow / My own shadow / Run away from here Renee / While I'm chasing my own shadow / Run away from here today / Don't blame it on the rock 'n' roll / You've got Jesus on your side / And I'd hate to see you shoveling coal / Run away from here and hide / Don't blame it on the rock 'n' roll / My own shadow / My own shadow / My own shadow / Run away from here Renee / While I'm chasing my own shadow / Run away from here today / They'll blame it on the rock 'n' roll / You've got Jesus on your side / But your automapilot's out of control / Run away from here and hide / They'll blame it on the rock 'n' roll / My own shadow / My own shadow / My own shadow / ROCK 'N' ROLL!! / ROCK 'N' ROLL!! / ROCK 'N' ROLL!! / ROCK 'N' ROLL!!

Fan Fiction Writer
From the album "Who's A Fuzzy Buddy?"
Words by Doug Cheatwood. Music by The Bastards of Fate.
Published by Keekers Party Time! Music (ASCAP)
and Copyright 2011 The Bastards of Fate.

James D. Barnes fan fiction writer / In his arms I'd feel so much lighter / If he comes home I'll hide in the closet / In his shirt did I break any laws yet? / I'm not the only one / I'm not the only one / Who sits at home / And stares at the internet / Instead of going out and having fun / Instead of going out and finding somehow / The only thing I need the most / It's only thing I need / James D. Barnes fan fiction writer / Wit and charm just like his father / On the Caspian Sea I ought to be his daughter / I bought his book then I wrote him a letter / You're not the only one / I'm not the only one / Who sits at home / And stares at the internet / Instead of going out and having fun / Instead of going out and finding somehow / The only thing I need the most / It's only thing I need / You make me feel so natural / You make me feel so natural / You make me feel so natural / You make me feel ... / If it's his birthday I'll throw myself a party / If it's his birthday I'll throw myself a party / If it's his birthday I'll throw myself a party / If it's his birthday I'll throw myself a party / Everybody's on drugs / Everybody's on drugs / Everybody's on drugs / Everybody's on drugs

The Zero Hour
From the album "Who's A Fuzzy Buddy?"
Words by Doug Cheatwood. Music by The Bastards of Fate.
Published by Keekers Party Time! Music (ASCAP)
and Copyright 2011 The Bastards of Fate.

Sometimes it's hard to get a meal / Is this for real? The city's made of steel / Sometimes I just don't understand / Take my hand I'm in a metal band / I'm faster than a silver bullet / I can't even tell you / Where to go what to do who are you? / I'm sorry I can't help you / Stop your life take your wife Doctor John / You're the flower of the zero hour / I drink my coffee plain / Everyone's the same the city is in flames / There's save points in the tents / I wear these special glasses / The light is so intense / I can't even tell you / Where to go what to do who are you? / I'm sorry I can't help you / Stop your life take your wife Doctor John / You're the flower of the zero hour / I can't even tell you / Where to go what to do who are you? / I'm sorry I can't help you / Stop your life take your wife Doctor John / You're the flower of the zero hour

Ten Tree Stumps
From the album "Who's A Fuzzy Buddy?"
Words by Doug Cheatwood. Music by The Bastards of Fate.
Published by Keekers Party Time! Music (ASCAP)
and Copyright 2011 The Bastards of Fate.

I speak for the birds and the bees / I speak with the tongues / Of the mighty oak trees / In a voice both old and deep / From the hoary leaves, the hoary leaves / Wooh! / We murdered our king / When we held our tongues / And our loins still thirst for it / Our loins still thirst for it / How I wandered afar / I hit on logs / Use a leafblower / To part the fogs / I part the fogs, I part the fogs / Wooh! / We murdered our king / Now we pay the price / Yes I know the price is right / I know the price is right / I speak for the birds and the bees / I speak with the tongues / Of the mighty oak trees / In a voice as old as the cursed / Oh woe is me, woe for all of us / Wooh! / We murdered our king / When we held our tongues / The twisted tree branches / Replace our tongues / And just ten tree stumps / Where we used to have our thumbs

Nobody Loves You
From the album "Who's A Fuzzy Buddy?"
Words by Doug Cheatwood. Music by The Bastards of Fate.
Published by Keekers Party Time! Music (ASCAP)
and Copyright 2011 The Bastards of Fate.

Nobody loves you ooh ooh / Nobody loves you ooh ooh / Nobody loves you ooh ooh / Except for me / Come here birthday boy / Let me take a look at you / It's been so long / Since I laid eyes on you child / What have you been doing with your life? / Give my regards to the wife / And all the little kiddies, the kiddies / Nooooooobody loves you ... / Nobody loves you ooh ooh / Nobody loves you ooh ooh / Nobody loves you ooh ooh / Except for me / Eighty years ago / I was born / Now my eyes are swollen / And my bones are worn / Is it true if you call on the phone / The government can hear? / Eighty years ago / And I can't remember a single year / Why why why why why why why why? / Why?

The year was 2006. Doug Cheatwood-grocer by day, innkeep by night, musician perpetual-assembled his dream team. Benjamin Pugh as rhythm guitarist extraordinaire. Camellia Delk on synthesizer and heart strings. Jason Wellz as sinister bass-smith. Tying the package together: the wild rhythms of Doug Shelor's pin-point percussion. A quintet of such skill seemed unstoppable, and yet Fate conspired against the Bastards from their inception. Their shows would end in mechanical catastrophe. Their wild antics would get them banned from popular venues. Their practice space burned to cinders, destroying their equipment. Their new practice space was set upon by bandits who swiped the very nails from the walls. It seemed as though a shadowy, malevolent force had The Bastards of Fate in its eye and would stop at nothing to see them rent asunder.
And yet tragedy did not stop or slow The Bastards; if anything, it informed their unique musical sensibility. And now, at the end of their Road of Trials, we find their debut album. Who's A Fuzzy Buddy? represents The Bastards of Fate at the top of their game, twelve tracks of catchy melodies, shrieking vocals, sonic weirdness. One cannot describe their sound accurately as all comparison fails; they have created a New Sound that is not of this generation of music, nor perhaps even of this plane of existence. You can listen to the album now, or you can listen to its influence in the future. The Bastards of Fate will not be denied.